VO2 Minimum

I have read various places that in the aftermath of open heart surgery I might experience wide swings of emotion. Maybe it has something to do with having your heart stopped for an extended period of time or whatever but I must admit I feel vulnerable recently. Vulnerable to the verge of tears.

It’s been 4 weeks now since my surgery and while my incision has mostly healed my sternum is still painful and raw. My stamina just isn’t there yet but i continue to walk as far as i can every day. I never imagined OHS (and the double whammy of getting covid in the hospital) was such a hit to the body and soul. It’s tough to feel so weak but I am determined to emerge from this stronger and healthier than I’ve been the past 5 years or so.

On a positive note, listening to my heart beating in the still of night I’ve noticed it sounds, well… normal again. Before surgery my aortic valve had been so messed up it had taken on a very audible second pulse that was disconcerting to listen to. Now it’s back to the normal lubdub lubdub. My bovine valve sounds strong and comforting. To completely butcher a zen koan, what is the sound of one heart beating? MOO! Lubdub lubdub.

It’s snowing softly tonight and I want so badly to go out and ride through the snowglobe. It’s a simple, childish thrill to have the trails to yourself while the flakes fly and spin in your wake like galaxies of ice. Unfortunately I’ll have to wait a few weeks or months until I’m strong enough for that but until then I’ll listen to the beating of my heart and dream.

When illusion spin her net
I’m never where I wanna be
And liberty, she pirouette
When I think that I am free

Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me

Today I don’t need a replacement
I’ll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going “Boom-boom-boom”
“Hey”, I said
“You can keep my things, they’ve come to take me home” – Solsbury Hill, Peter Gabriel

The Prophecy

“Thirteen tiger teeth in my talisman
St. John The Conqueror and a black cat bone
Been seen walkin’ with the Guardians
Now I’m in the alley and I’m all alone
Can’t run can’t hide from destiny
Knew this day was comin’ nearly all of my life
Been done ain’t the only boy from Tennessee
To carve his name in cypress with a jawbone knife“

– Steve Earle

Prettiest swamp in New England

So you might’ve noticed a change has been made in the title of ye olde blog. Yup, the Doughboy is no more – though he lives on in some digital strata of zeros and ones just waiting to be dug up by some wannabe Indiana Jones with a penchant for photos of various bikes leaning on things. Consider it a prophecy fulfilled as I emerge as the Tin Man. Yup, like the character from the Wizard of Oz I need a heart, well… heart replacement parts at least. Some big changes are just over the horizon for this buckaroo.

It seems a funny thing has happened to me on my journey through late-midlife, not that it was a big surprise. Ever since I was a child I’ve had a minor heart murmur caused by a faulty aortic valve. I was born with it. The scuttlebutt was I’d need to have it replaced some day as aortic stenosis is a progressive disease. One cardiologist even optimistically proclaimed “by the time you need a new valve we’ll be doing the procedure outpatient.” He was almost right.

While earlier in life this fact might have been a little more toward the forefront of my consciousness, as I grew older I grew less concerned with any potential consequences. Though I had always been told to hold back a little when exercising as a youngun, as I transitioned into a college football playing offensive lineman (weighing 280lbs at my peak!) to a dude from California that liked to ride and race bikes (weighing 180lbs in my prime!) this knowledge was pushed back ever deeper into the recesses of my brain. I stopped worrying about it. I was so healthy and active I even stopped seeing a cardiologist on a regular basis as I had done as a child. Doctors shmocktors, ammiright?

The thing about prophecies is that much like rust, they never sleep. They’re always there festering like calcium deposits in the turbulence of a crappy 54 year old aortic valve. Eventually after many years of ignoring the problem, a battery of tests show that you’ve reached the severe stenosis stage. Prophecy fulfilled – time to swap in some fresh aftermarket parts and maybe upgrade a few things. Of course the corollary to this prophecy is that you feel easily winded while out doing the things you love to do, but all things considered I’m lucky: I caught it early before permanent heart muscle damage occurred.

Please do not mistake my apparent glibness for lack of concern on my part as it’s clearly a defense mechanism. While the prognosis is good I still have no firm answers (should know this week finally!) so I vacillate between being completely terrified of open heart surgery and only moderately terrified about it several times each day. My search history contains an inordinate number of queries on “hemodynamics” and “cycling after aortic valve replacement”. Having been in and around the medical device industry as an engineer my entire career I have faith in the technology. Valve replacement is common and good outcomes are commonplace especially for relatively “young and otherwise healthy” patients such as myself, but nothing is ever guaranteed.

So I have little doubt that the this Tin Man will ride again after a stretch of healing and physical therapy in the coming months. In a weird way I’m actually looking forward to the challenge. I’ll make sure and share a long-winded description of my first post-operative ride on the trainer when it happens.

If anyone has any direct experience with athletes and heart valve surgery please share, thank you!

Today’s View

The Last Time

Another fickle Winter season draws to a close here in coastal Maine. Sure there will still be quality snow inland (and we have at least 2 more months of nuisance storms here as well), but it’s the time of year when the question begs to be asked: is this the last good snow ride of the season? Will this time be the last time? The long range magic 8 ball of a forecast points to “yes”.

Fortunately I had one perfect weekend of seasonable weather before a massive meltdown threatened (and succeeded) to ruin all of my fun. Carpe diem my winter loving friends, trust as little as possible in the next day. One never knows when the last time will pass unrecognized.

“We are always wanting
Things we cannot find
You know that we are always wasting time” – This Time, INXS

A sudden squall blows in off Casco Bay. Not a bad way to start a weekend.

I love this section of forest at sunset

Fresh snow on tall pines with a firm, meandering trail beneath: bliss

Always take the shortcut across the pond. Make a left at the ice shack

On second thought, don’t always take the shortcut across the pond

Out of the blue and into the black

Threading through the trees with the ocean in the distance

This beach is haunted (really!)

Sunrise on a cold morning. The early bird gets the firm singletrack

Lobster traps pulled out for repair

Last call for terra firma. Last call for winter?

Pandemic Blues

Like most people I’ve got a serious case of the pandemic blues as of late. And despite being stung in the face by some wind-driven snow this morning I think I also have a Spring (hope it’s not coronavirus) fever starting to brew. Seems like the perfect time to start the blog back up and hopefully share a little stoke. I’ve been lax in updating for the past lessee here… year or so. Wow, time sure flies. After all who reads blogs these days, right? Feel free to let me know if you’re still out there. I hope all is well in your little socially distant sphere.

But until I can muster up some stoke and dig through some SD cards of the past year or so, let us consider why we’re here in the first place. Stupid society – always screwing things up for those of us that sometimes prefer to be alone.

“It’s a mystery to me
We have a greed
With which we have agreed
You think you have to want
More than you need”

“Until you have it all you won’t be free
Society, you’re a crazy breed
I hope you’re not lonely without me”

“When you want more than you have
You think you need
And when you think more than you want
Your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place

‘Cause when you have more than you think
You need more space”

“Society, you’re a crazy breed
I hope you’re not lonely without me”

– Eddie Vedder “Society”

Solitude on Skis in Katahdin Woods and Waters National Monument

Quiet reflection and the world beginning to embrace the warmth of the coming spring from beneath a deep layer of snow. I had the good fortune (and time) this past week to head up to Northern Maine for an overnight ski tour into Katahdin Woods and Waters National Monument. Skiing in on a Sunday, aside from the one group of skiers I encountered heading out I had the entire northern half of the park to myself after that. Probably the southern half as well.

As always, I snapped a few photos of what I saw along the way – except for the unparalleled view of the night sky with many more stars than I have seen in a very long time. That memory I save for myself. Besides, no photo could properly capture that view.

“All the variety, charm and beauty of life are made up of light and shade” – Tolstoy A 3AM departure from Portland meant a 7AM start from the trailhead near Matagamon, overnight permit in hand. I’m always surprised at how few Mainers have actually visited any part of northern Maine. On the flip side, since most don’t visit the solitude that can be had in this area is priceless (especially in winter).

“Kicker skins will save your bacon on a spring tour” – Unknown skier. I’ve been running these ancient Kazama waxable, metal edged skis for many, many years now. Temps ranged from 5 to 40 deg on this overnight making for a waxing a challenge so I gave up and used these puppies. They performed flawlessly (Haskell Rock Pitch in the background).

“Every man should pull a boat over a mountain once in his life” – Werner Herzog  I havn’t skied with a pack all year (heck I haven’t really skied much at all this winter!), so the rolling nature of the the second half of the ski into Big Spring Brook was blister inducing. KWW shares its western border with Baxter State Park and its stately range of summits.

“The more powerful and original a mind the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude” – Aldous Huxley Not so sure about the powerful and original statement, but can I get an AMEN? Big Spring Brook Hut shedding it’s winter layers while keeping the snow shower at bay. It’s a large hut and I had it all to myself for the night. Not another human for miles.

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled” – Plutarch. Fire burning, warmth spreading, wet clothes drying – skiing into a hut is almost like cheating. A reminder of the sometimes bitter fight that led to the creation of this gem of a national monument.

“There is not love of life without depair about life” – Albert Camus Setting sun filtered through the cabin window caressing the hut table

“The straight line leads only to death” – Jack Kerouac  In the meantime, time to begin day 2 with a short climb out of the hut and back to the main trail. Death is a long way off on a sunny morning.

“The bluebird carries the sky on his back” – Thoreau I started to ski downriver from Haskell Rock as I wanted to see Grand Pitch, but the trail was icy and hard to follow without detours so I gave up. I did follow some fisher tracks for a while along the river’s edge which was really cool.

“When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky” – Buddha I scrunched down to line up this shot and ended up falling backwards, rolling around weighted down by my pack in the snow like an overturned turtle before righting myself. Haskell Rock Pitch again.

“The first track is the end of a string. At the far end, a being is moving; a mystery, dropping a hint about itself every so many feet, telling you more about itself until you can almost see it, even before you come to it. The mystery reveals itself slowly, track by track, giving its genealogy early to coax you in. Further on, it will tell you the intimate details of its life and work, until you know the maker of the track like a lifelong friend” – Tom Brown, Jr. I followed these meandering moose postholes for a while, observing where it stopped to nibble on branches here and there before finally losing the trail as it traveled up a hillside. Crossing the trail at right angles were other tracks of hunting, single-minded marten and frolicking river otters. I wonder if anyone followed my trail and if so, what did they surmise from my track?

The Hunted and the Damned

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before” – Edgar Allen Poe

Vapor or ghosts?

Eyes. Two yellow eyes were peering from between the pines as I rounded the rain slicked corner in the trail. I squealed to a stop as my brake discs shed the copious amounts of water and muck deposited upon them by the bogs and puddles on this rain drenched night. For a moment the eyes dulled and shifted in the rain, then glowed brightly again as the screeching stopped. The rain pelted down in sheets as I, transfixed, provided a convenient gathering place for the water before it pooled then dripped upon the earth like blood from a corpse.

The yellow eyes never stopped observing. They glowed like embers in the night. I stared back, peering into them to try and figure out to what they were attached.

With it being so close to Halloween it’s easy to get spooked by things that go bump in the night. One’s brain can play fun tricks on your perception of reality at this time of the year when we are told that the souls of the dead have typically wandered the earth. Be it the spectre of Samhain or Dia de los Muertos or All Saint’s Day (choose your cultural poison), there is no denying that this can be a powerful time of year – especially while riding around the woods at night in the rain.

This time of year the leaves have mostly fallen from their trees and the world opens up to display its secrets. The barriers are down and night envelopes the earth in a cold embrace that shivers with each leaf clinging desperately to its tree. It’s enough to make one believe the fables and folklore that surround the season. It’s enough to make a calm and rational person like myself believe in the supernatural, especially when confronted by yellow, unwavering eyes from within the pines.

Things are changing out there despite our desire to cling to the warmth of summer. Luckily I ain’t afraid of no ghost.

Regardless I still shifted a little uneasily as a swirl of vapor rose from my form and my body sought to equilibrate with the chill of the October night. Meanwhile the eyes moved from one side of a gnarled old pine to the next as if searching for something.

Despite having read way too many Stephen King novels in my formative years I’m not inclined to believe that ghosts and other supernatural beings wander the woods of Maine. My straining human brain is damned to fill in the blanks of the situation as it sees fit. In situations like this my primal brain immediately retreats to fight or flight reactions borne through thousands of ears of evolution where humans were pursued and eaten by giant hyenas, cave bears, cave lions, eagles, snakes, other primates, wolves, saber-toothed cats, false saber-toothed cats and who knows what else?

Of course in the modern world this gift of our evolution provides us with a certain level of anxiety whenever we are confronted by a threat, whether perceived or real. This gift revealed itself to me as I stood astride my bike in the rain trying to figure out what the eyes were attached to. I suddenly felt a little vulnerable to say the least. What the hell was out there?

Peering deeper into the night, for the briefest moment I thought I made out the shape of the head of the form to which the eyes were attached. It was hard to tell, but the hair rose on the back of my neck as I filled in the missing dots of information with a feline form. Holy crap! It’s a mountain lion! I’m going to be eaten!

The brief moment passed and the form turned sideways before bounding off like a deer (which it was). Feeling a bit silly I admonished myself.

“It’s a deer and not a cat, you idiot.” Large cats are as common as ghosts in the woods of Maine. Well, a least in my part of the state (maybe not in Stephen King’s).

I turned and pedaled along the trail while my steaming form headed for the treetops and wandered into night.

 

 

 

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Golden hour on the final day of September in Katahdin Woods and Waters National Monument, northern Maine

“Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay”

– Robert Frost

Separation of Light From Darkness

“Color is everything, black and white is more.” – Dominic Rouse

“We live in a world where strangers will pick each other up off the streets. We live in a world where people will bring other people into their homes, feed them, and drive them up and down a snowy mountain in the depths of a winter’s night. We live in a world where people will hand strangers they’ve only just met one hundred euros with nothing but the implicit request of please don’t screw me on this. 

Yes, there’s a darker side to this world. Yes, we also live in a world where people shoot at other people for no reason. We live in a world where people sometimes can’t agree, and where people sometimes do terrible things to those they can’t agree with. We live in a world with a whole lot of human suffering, most of it caused by the way humans treat other humans.

Mostly, we live in a world where how you live is dictated largely by how you trust. If you do not trust others, if you believe human nature to be something dark and rotten, you close yourself off to a whole lot. If you do not open the shutters, all you get is darkness, no matter what’s outside. True, you may get darkness even if the shutters are open. Darkness or something worse: a rock hurled through your window, a tree branch kicked up by violent winds. But there’s no way to let the light in unless you open your shutters to the wider world.

And sometimes, that light can be pretty blinding.” – Jay Austin (touring cyclist attacked and killed in Tajikistan 7/29/18)

 

The Sun Also Sets

“I can’t stand it to think my life is going so fast and I’m not really living it.” 

– Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises

Jet lag my old friend, how the hell are ya? It had been a while since I’d run the Ritchey Breakaway bike though the airline baggage fee gauntlet so the the shock of hailing a cab at the Barcelona airport for my journey downtown was even more severe than it should have been.  Sitting curbside in the taxi line with a foggy brain I silently mouthed how I was going to relay where I was going without looking like a total moron.

C’mon brain, it’s only an address you need to recite. You can speak enough Spanish to relay numbers and a street name. You’ve got this.

With that mission accomplished, twenty minutes later I was lugging my belongings into a tiny hotel room that would soon serve as an assembly room for my bolted-together escape vehicle/bike. But first, a quick bite to eat with the wife who had taken time from her business (the real reason to go to Barcelona in the first place) to see that I had arrived in one piece. After a quick hello and lunch break I had the remainder of the day to myself for exploration.

“Have you seen the light, my son?” Yes, and it burns a little Santa Iglesia Catedral Metropolitana de la Encarnación de Granada

Honestly, I wasn’t that thrilled about going to Spain at first. In retrospect I’m so glad that i relented. I had visited years before and while I had enjoyed my time I wanted to go somewhere new. However, the issue of syncing up spousal schedules reared it’s ugly head and a compromise was reached: I’d have 2 whole days pretty much to myself to explore Barcelona on my bike.

Well 2 whole days if I hit the ground running that is, which is exactly what I did as soon as I returned to my hotel room following lunch. Less than an hour later I was following a Starva currated ride on my GPS as I dodged taxis and scooters on my way out of the city.

The Temple Expiatori del Sagrat Cor, located on a mountain overlooking Barcelona. If church is not your thing there’s an amusement park here too

Barcelona is a very bike friendly city so unlike a place like, for instance Rome, a dousing of holy water was unnecessary to protect life and limb. In retrospect, after some close calls the second day while reentering the city on a Friday afternoon that might have been a good idea. Running with the scooters is almost as unpredictable as running with bulls.

Mmmmm unprocessed jamon in Parc de Collserola outside Barcelona

Still, if you’re ever in Barcelona bring a bike (or rent one) and point it toward the hills. Jet lag be damned! Catalonia is beautiful, the people are friendly and there are miles of quality riding nearby in the hills above town (and beyond).

Catalonian Curve. To quote Black Flag “Rise above, we’re gonna rise above”

Listen to your inner Hemingway and run with the taxis and scooters! Climb the hills, ride the curves with the deathwish motos! Drink black coffee until you twitch. While it can be hard to comprehend on a seemingly endless jet lagged day, some day the sun will cease to rise no matter how careful you may be.

“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride” – Anthony Bourdain

Sunrise in Sevilla, across from the Plaza de toros de la Real Maestranza de Caballería de Sevilla

Catedral de Sevilla. You have to get up early to have it all to yourself like this

A little bit of this will help get you there bright and early

 

The strong coffee comes in handy to keep you awake and on the lookout for situations like this in the streets of Sevilla…

which reduces the possibility of ending up like this (your typical Spanish butcher shop, this one in Barcelona)

Torre del Oro (“Tower of Gold”) bathed in golden light on the Sevilla waterfront

Bike commuter in Sevilla

 

More from the Old Town Sevilla maze

Had trouble getting my bike into the frame on this one, Catedral de Santa María de la Sede in Sevilla

And since we’re in Andalusia let’s not forget the Moors at the Alhambra, Granada

 

The Ghost of Ski Areas Past

“It was a strange figure – like a child: yet not so like a child as like an old man, viewed through some supernatural medium, which gave him the appearance of having receded from the view, and being diminished to a child’s proportions” – Charles Dickens

I first spied the line while on a fat bike ride earlier this winter. OK, there’s not much elevation change anywhere near Portland, Maine so calling it a “line” is a little optimistic. But seeing as how I’ve been earning my turns for the past 10 years or so any bit of nearby skiable vertical is a good thing, especially if I don’t have to drive an hour (or more) to reach it.

The snow was crusty and old (much like myself) as we hadn’t had any fresh for a few weeks and the midwinter thaw was in full force. As I rode I noticed that off to the side of the trail was an undeniable clearing in the woods. It led directly off the ridgeline and out of view.  I walked over to the edge of the incline and immediately saw it: a fall line with just enough space to link some turns. I made a mental note to return when (if) the snow did.

The one, the only – Poplar Ridge

In the meantime I did a little research. Amazingly enough, there had once been a ski area on this hill! The topo map of the area still shows the liftline of the defunct Hurricane Ski Slope .  From 1946-1973 it had operated on this pleasant little slope, with a larger open area of private property still remaining as a pasture to this day. It just goes to show that skiers know a line when they see one, even if it’s only 200 or so vertical feet. I can almost hear the schralpf of ski edges and the cries of kids learning to ski in Winter’s past.

Entering the danger zone (downhill haha) on my ancient Kazama’s

A week later I finally got my chance to ski it.  After a massive almost 70 degree warm spell had decimated the remaining snowpack we were gifted with a surprise foot of fresh. I headed up to the ridge on my ancient Kazama Mountain High metal edged touring skis, found the clearing and pointed them downhill – a direction they remained headed despite my best efforts to turn them until a tree loomed in my field of view. I’d forgotten how fun it is to coax skinny 210cm double cambered touring skis to turn in fresh snow. I kick turned down the rest of the massive vertical face. Errrrr well it felt intimidating on the skinny skis at least.

As unenlightened it may have been, the proof of concept was sound. There was a hill nearby that offered an opportunity for some sorely lacking verticality in my life! I dug out my rusty-edged-almost-as ancient-as-the-Kazama’s K2 Piste Stinx tele skis and ordered up some 3-pin bindings for some control with my touring boots. After another excruciating week of ridiculous up and down February temperature swings (60deg to zero and the almost back to 50! No one ever said living on the coastal plain in Maine is conducive to great snow conditions!) and a visit from mail order Santa, I was ready for the next storm cycle.

The buds of the beeches may have been fooled but the calendar still read “winter” as a few coastal storms soon churned up the Eastern seaboard. Three feet of fresh fell within a week – winter was back!  With my grungy 90’s era skis humming Nirvana I hit that slope after every storm blanketed it with fresh snow.  The Atlantic Ocean can be a great snow gun under the right conditions.

“Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us”

Trees tend to grow arms in the wind and grab skis around here

Some days the powder was knee deep, on others it was crud.  Though the runs may have been short the lift lines were even shorter, not to mention the price was right. I’m not a total cheapskate but $100 plus lift tickets are not my thing anymore. As long as I have enough base to clear most of the fallen tree branches that litter the floor of my little glade the price is right.

Glades are fun, even if they’only provide 200ft of vertical

Of course now the calendar has been flipped from Winter to Spring. The snows are melting as the sun intensifies with each passing day.  Soon I’ll be mountain biking these very hills as some of the best trails in the area wind to the top of this tiny ridge. It’s my hidden gem, my escape from the everyday.  Regardless of season, it’s a chance to recapture the past and feed that inner child on the slopes of Poplar Ridge.

Oh and Powder Magazine, if you’re listening – feel free to drop by anytime for a tour.